Scars And Souvenirs
by MissNightshade144
Summary: High school AU. Bullying can cause scars upon even the strongest souls. When one student can't take it anymore, and leaves everyone in the vicinity running for their lives, how do you overcome the aftermath? One day where love, loss, and life culminate in an attack of desperation, high school isn't supposed to be this difficult. Emily's POV
1. Chapter 1

**A/N hello again! To everyone out there reading or following Get Through or A Chance at Happiness, I haven't abandoned them, but my muse refused to shut up about this idea. It's a shortie, it'll probably only be like six chapters, so I figured I could sneak it in here! As always, tell me what you think!**

**-Nightshade **

Chapter One

Scars And Souvenirs

"The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind, and they are in continual danger of breaking the skin and bursting out again."

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My hands shook as I stared at the cavernous front hall of the building, its doors gaping open like the jaws of some mythical beast, prepared to eat me alive. The fabric of my plain black shirt suddenly felt like sandpaper against my skin, the plain leather cuff bracelets around my wrists became manacles. Nervousness seized my stomach in its icy grip, making me momentarily forget the delicate hand clasped desperately within mine. I wasn't goth, at least I didn't think of myself that way, but apparently that's the label you earn when you have dark hair, pale skin, dark clothes and black eye makeup, but highschool kids like to judge. The simple thought made me shudder uncomfortably, adjusting the sleeves of my shirt until I was certain no one could see my wrists. I hated the thought of the gossip mongers' beady eyes trying to steal my every secret.

JJ tightened her hand around mine in a soothing reminder, you are not alone. The wandering thought of the radiant blonde lit up my world like a ray of sunshine.

Last year, when I first came to this school, she was well on her way to becoming the sports-star, prom queen, basically the alpha female of the school. But one particularly shitty day, she caught me crying in the bathroom, just about to cut, and I remembered thinking my life was officially over. JJ was going to tell her friends, the ones that followed behind her like hunger-crazed bees to honey, how much of a freak I really was. But to my utter shock, she sat down beside me, talked me down, and stayed there for the whole period, talking about silly little things, trying to make me smile. From that moment, just like her awestruck followers, I couldn't get Jennifer Jareau out of my head.

It was during the summer, sitting at the neighborhood park, soaking in the sun and the laughs of the people around us, that I came out to her. I still can't remember her response, I think it got lost somewhere among the earth-shattering kiss she had floored me with. We had the idyllic summer romance, and I found that each moment I spent with her made me crave a million more. I fell hard for her, but she was there at the bottom to catch me in her gentle yet strong arms.

Consequent to her actions though, she essentially labeled herself a fellow freak, the one whom I 'infected with my gayness'. Though she was somehow able to walk down the halls of our school proudly, insults hurled our way deflected by her invincible spirit. It was that and only that, which made it possible for me to walk into school for that first day, head held high, thriving off her pride.

Kids seemed to part like the Red Sea, not out of respect or kindness, but more like I carried some communicable disease which could be caught simply by being too close. I focused on what JJ was telling me about her first period class, trying to ignore the stab of pain I felt whenever an insult or spitball or crumpled paper ball hit me square in the back. It was when we turned to walk down another hallway when I felt something cold and wet hit me on the side of the face.

I stood there awkwardly for a second, as if my limbs were suddenly too long for my body. It was only until she mockingly sweet odor hit my nose did I realize what I was currently wearing. Some kids snickered before walking away, leaving me standing in a puddle of yogurt.

Before I could say anything, before I could even blink, I felt the angry sting of tears brewing. JJ, silently fuming, pulled me off to the side into a bathroom, and locked the main door. I stood at the sink, inspecting the damage done to my hair and clothing. I stared down, letting the clean white surface become blurry as tears flooded my eyes. The blonde came over, gently taking my face in her hands, not caring one bit about the sticky yogurt mess getting on her.

"Hey, it's okay, probably just some stupid kid." she soothed, rubbing my cheek with her thumb, obliterating tear tracks like windshield wipers.

"It's always some stupid kid Jayje! I'm sick of it, I'm sick of feeling like an outcast in my own school, I'm sick of getting things thrown at me, I'm sick of the words 'stupid dyke', and I'm sick of dragging you through all this! You don't deserve to put up with this, you don't deserve me." I hung my head in shame, using all my will not to break down and cut again. After all, I had promised Jennifer that I'd stop.

"Nuh-uh, you don't get to do that Hon, you don't get to push me away so you suffer in silence. It sucks what we have to go through here, but we have each other, and it'll all be over soon. We're going to graduate together, we're going to buy an apartment, and we're going to enjoy the rest of our lives together, and where will they be?" she pressed, giving me a soft kiss upon my clean cheek before stepping back.

"So what do you say about getting you cleaned up?" JJ asked, stepping back and rolling up her sleeves. I shucked the shirt off over my head, groaning as I felt the disgusting substance sticking to my skin. I felt oddly exposed, standing in the cold tile bathroom in pants and a bra. JJ already dumped the dirty shirt in another sink to soak, and stared at me with a slightly amused expression.

"Y'know, when I fantasized about you and I, alone, with one of us topless, I never thought you'd be wearing yogurt." she smiled her dazzling smile, easily helping me banish my sadness.

"You fantasize about me?" I blushed, trying to hide my immense nervousness at my current state. Out of habit I crossed my arms over my chest, hiding the worst of the scars. I didn't even need to speak for her to know exactly what I was saying.

"And only you." she fixed me with a flirty look that made me feel like the most important person in the world. Damp paper towel in hand, she stood behind me and whispered in my ear, the ethereal specter of her breath dancing across my skin.

"Relax beautiful, I've got your back." she soothed, gently wiping away the sticky mess with caring hands, before doing the same with my hair, aided by a comb. I stared at myself in he mirror, half-clothed with damp hair.

"You wouldn't happen to have a change of clothes and a blow dryer on you, would you?" I halfheartedly joked. The blonde pulled off her hoodie, passing it to me to put on.

"I may have an extra change of clothes in my locker, I can't make any promises about the blow dryer though, okay?" she smiled, obviously glad to see that I'd perked up. Walking over to where she stood, near the door, I placed a loving kiss upon her lips. Her omniscience towards my feelings was only multiplied when we were together. Sometimes it was as if in every breath-thieving nip and silky caress and tangling of tongues, we were speaking a different language, one written in each happy moment together and unique to the two of us. I gently pressed a semi-chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, which was slightly open as she breathed.

"You, you are kind of awesome." I whispered, as if it was some secret. I pressed my cool forehead against hers, simply resting together, enjoying the intimacy.

"So are you, remember that. Even when you don't feel it, you're awesome." She said, before spinning around to go outside. She had barely laid her hand upon the

lock when a muted shriek split the air. Both of us shared a confused glance before opening the door. The hallway seemed was too empty, and it was then when it occurred to me, first bell never went off.

"Em, get behind me." JJ ordered in a level voice, moving so her body blocked mine.

"What's going on Jayje?" I asked, when she just shook her head.

"It's nothing, I'm sure, just a feeling. Please Em get back." She was begging now, the desperation in her voice evident. I reluctantly obliged and had only taken a few steps back when I heard it.

A loud, echoing bang resounded through the outside hallway, sounding like a truck backfiring or a broom snapping in half. But in my state of heightened alertness my sensitive ears could pick up the scream of a scared kid, the empty thud of something heavy hitting the floor, the delicate clink of a spent casing hitting the industrially tiled floor. All the blood in my body went cold, the sounds I'm hearing are gunfire.

I bolted back to here JJ stood, her eyes wide open and her body frozen in fear. I was worried she was injured, and I pushed the door shut instantly, locking it with trembling fingers. JJ still stood stock-still and unblinking, so carefully yet quickly I hoisted her up into my arms, carrying her as far away from the danger as the four walls of the bathroom would allow. I laid her out on the floor, giving her a quick once-over with my hands and eyes. No blood, no bullet holes.

"Jennifer are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere?" I begged, trying to bring her out of her shocked trance. At that statement her numb blue eyes found mine, and she sat up from her lying position, curling into my body like it was the only thing that made it safe.

"I saw it, I saw the person shoot that girl, she was begging with the shooter, I saw her begging for her life, when all of a sudden there was a loud pop and she fell against the floor. The shooter was pacing around the body warily, but there was so much blood. They put a bullet between that girl's eyes and the shooter was the one who seemed scared. I wanted to shut the door and find you, I wanted to run and hide and make sure we were safe, but I couldn't stop watching. It was like a car accident or a plane crash, something so horrific that you couldn't tear your eyes away. Then the shooter looked up, and all I could see was their eyes boring into mine, their fear-filled, frantic brown eyes fixed me with a stare so intense it hurt the back of my skull. And for a second they looked ready to come over here, to come and kill us, but something crashed at the other end of the hall and they ran off. But before they left, I could swear I saw them mouth "I'll be back." I could have died Em! I could have just died and you'd be safe but now the shooter's going to come back and kill us both, I'm so sorry Emily!" her words dissolved into terrified sobs, so powerful they shook me in the process of breaking free from the blonde. I was so overwhelmed by her confession I didn't know where to start or what to say to her.

"Hey, you shouldn't feel sorry for not dying Jen, ever. I'm just glad we're both safe now, and if that changes we'll deal with it then. But did you see who the shooter was?" I was rubbing her back now, hoping the continued contact would keep her here with me and not zoning out into a state of shock.

"No, I just saw their eyes, it's like the rest was all a blur, I just can't remember Emily! I just can't-I can't-Emily-Em-Em-I-can't-Em-I can't-Breathe" she began hyperventilating, her eyes wide with panic. I shifted her in my arms, helping her to lean over farther and put her head between her knees, all the while rubbing her back and stroking her hair. Her shaky lungs managed one deep, quivering breath before I heard something else. There was a knock at the door.

"Em, the shooter came back for us! Don't open it!" she pleaded, until I heard the muffled cries of "help" from the other side.

"There are others that need help, I'm going to let them in." I reassured, getting up from my spot on the floor and staring down the bathroom. The small room seemed to stretch unnaturally, so the door seemed miles away.

"What if it's a trap?" JJ called to me, as I reached for the handle of the door. At the thought of swinging the door open to be greeted by a bullet, a dreadful shudder wracked my body. The greater dread though, was the thought of dying and leaving JJ alone.

"Then I love you Jennifer Jareau." I gave her a smile to reassure her, which ended up seeming more like a grimace, twisting the anguished mask of my face in unfamiliar ways. That was the first time I'd ever told her I loved her, and I hoped it wouldn't be my last.

The doorknob burned the palm of my hand, but I wouldn't let go. Instead I grasped it tighter, struggling to block out the heart-rending cries of my girlfriend pleading for me not to die, and twisted it open, waiting for the pain to take me, and begging it would be over soon.

**A/N read and review pretty please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N okay, here's another chap for you, with more bits of the puzzle revealed! **

**-Nightshade**

Scars And Souvenirs

Chapter Two

The pain never came, and at first I thought it was just the shock and I hadn't felt it, or I couldn't hear the shot go off over the pounding of my heart, but then it hit me. I didn't feel any pain because I wasn't hurt. The carob-skinned muscular boy on the other side of the door wasn't bearing a gun, but four other kids, all wearing the same terrified mask.

"C-come in." I ushered the ragtag bunch of survivors into our sanctuary, locking the door an sighing in relief. They all stood in a cloud, not yet rounding the wall that divided the door from the rest of the women's washroom, to stop peeping toms. It was only when they began to walk forward did I remember, JJ. She was half expecting me to end up dead, and being confronted by a crowd of strangers and not her maybe-dead girlfriend would definitely freak her out even more. I ran around the corner, seeing the blonde curled up into a minuscule ball beneath a sink, her eyes squeezed shut and her hands over her ears, anticipating the sickening sounds of gunfire. I walked up to her, kneeling in front of her and placing my hand on her shoulder, cringing as she tensed up before looking up into my eyes.

"Emily!" she cried, launching herself into my arms and spinning around. She was clinging to me like I might disappear. The joyous look on her face nearly made me tear up just as she was, the unbridled jubilation unable to be contained by her eyes as she threw herself into a passionate kiss.

"I thought you were dead!" She exclaimed, kissing me again, making it hard to reply.

"I love you too much to leave." I vowed, my voice low and breathy, so no one else could hear but her.

"I love you too Emily Prentiss!" she announced, twining her arms around my neck as she pressed her lips to mine, her tongue tracing the seam between my lips when...

"Ahem." the tall, muscular, dark-skinned boy cleared his throat.

"Sorry to interrupt your little love-fest, but there's still a shooter running free here." he exclaimed dryly, causing me to look his way. I finally got a clear look at him and the others. They stood in a loose group, united through fear and not friendship. I gestured for them to take seats against the wall.

"Sorry." I blushed, sitting down beside JJ, yet leaving our hands entwined between us. The awkward silence hung heavily on the crowd, before JJ quietly spoke up

"So... Do we all want to introduce ourselves or something?" she received a few weird looks, yet the silence remained.

"Ookay... I'll start! I'm Jennifer Jareau, though everyone calls me JJ. This is my girlfriend Emily." she chirped, in a tone of obvious faux-cheer.

"What do I care? This isn't some stupid sleepover where we trade stories and shit." the darker man growled. He seemed more standoffish due to stress and not some character flaw, but I couldn't really tell. I could tell his sour mood was upsetting my blonde girl though, which didn't sit right with me at all. I watched JJ's face fall, and hopeless tears percolated in her eyes.

"Hey, she's just trying to be nice." I murmured, stroking JJ's cheek and watching her frown dissolve. He gave an irritated grunt before shifting in his seat nervously.

"Not that it matters. Stupid dyke." he muttered under his breath, dropping my gaze. The words dredged up all the hurt I had ever felt, and instead of bringing watery sadness, the scalding flames of anger rose within.

"What the fuck did you just say?" I snarled, dropping JJ's hand and standing up.

"Derek..." the slightly shorter man groaned in a warning tone, running a frustrated hand through his brown hair.

"Nothing." he smirked irritably, angering me even more. I lunged forward, slamming him up against the closed stall, one hand knotted in the collar of his shirt, the other poised in a fist.

"If you're going to fucking insult me then do so to my face you coward!" I was trembling now, the corners of my vision blurring red.

"Emily calm down!" JJ yelled, but it didn't really sink in. I didn't want to calm down. He made Jennifer upset, he's insulted me, in my eyes I was well within my rights to rough him up a bit. I may have been born to a posh diplomat, but I've learned how to fight.

"Hey! We're all stuck here, why don't we just make the best of it!" the other woman yelled. I let go of the bulky man, Derek, as the others called him.

"Fine, I'm sorry." I muttered, receiving an apology from him which was just as forced. The girl who had broken us up straightened the ruffles on her patterned skirt as she sat down again, looking quite pleased with her work.

"Thank you both. I'm Penelope Garcia, Tech Queen Extraordinaire." she cheerily added. Now that I had calmed down, I got a decent look at the quirky woman. Her blonde hair had pink streaks and she was dressed in every color of the rainbow. Gentle, sensitive, yet sharp brown eyes peered out from behind her turquoise-rimmed glasses. She shot a pointed look to the guy beside her, the one with the brown hair who'd tried to shut Derek up.

"Aaron Hotchner." he curtly spoke, his brown eyes scanning the room, analyzing. I heard the blonde beside me let out a small gasp of recognition.

"Hotchner, you did seem familiar, you're the president of our student council." she stated, realization dawning upon her face. Aaron just gave a curt nod before elbowing Derek in the side.

"Derek Morgan, quarterback for our football team." he muttered irritably, pacing the length of the room.

"I'm David Rossi, but everyone either calls me Dave or Rossi." spoke the man with tanned skin and a healthy swathe of black hair, along with slight stubble. He wore a navy shirt with 'Powell High&Quantico PD Co-op' printed in block letters. It was obvious he was oldest, he just held a more mature air, despite the fact that Aaron was obviously much better suited to leadership.

"What about you?" JJ asked the last boy. This kid couldn't be older than twelve, and he had curled into a trembling, fear-filled ball in the corner. His shaggy brown hair and glasses covered the still-round face of a boy, and his sweater-vest and khakis hung upon his gaunt, gangly frame like they had simply been hung on a rack. I think I may have seen him before, in the office once or twice when I had faked sick to hide from the homophobic idiots in any one of my classes. I'm pretty sure he's gifted, and in a school like this, sticking out in the slightest was the same as painting a target upon your back.

"Sp-Spencer Reid." was all he had managed to say before he began to cry. I heard a slight groan, and I saw Derek roll his eyes. Hotch, who happened to be sitting beside him, wore a similar expression of annoyance. I was about to get up and say something, when I saw Penelope give them both a glare.

"We're in a washroom, hiding from a crazed shooter, and you two still can't cut it out with the superiority act?! Give the kid a break, he's scared, we're all scared." she reasoned, tossing the boy a wayward, soft glance.

"Fine. But if Greenaway hears his whimpering, we're all sitting ducks." Derek pouted.

"Greenaway? As in Elle Greenaway?" I asked curiously. "she's the shooter?" Derek just shrugged, as if it didn't matter.

"That's what I was told, I never saw her." he averted his gaze, his face suddenly illuminated by the dim screen of his cell phone. Elle Greenaway. She was in grade eleven, like JJ and I. I'd never officially met her, but I'd heard the gossip, seen the way she skitters nervously through the halls, noticed the fact that she wore long sleeves in the middle of summer. She was like me before I met JJ.

I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the quiet, mousy girl who I think sat behind me in my Psychology class holding a deadly weapon. She always seemed too delicate, too weak, she could hardly defend herself against the merciless bullying she received. Still the only image of her I could conjure up was one of a timid girl, one who seemed to shrink into the background, the girl who I thought would make a nice friend someday. I wondered if I could have said something, complimented her hair or new shoes, struck up a conversation with her, anything besides ignoring her like everyone else, something that could have prevented this. Was I just as bad as the kids who threw food at others?

"Hey Handsome, why don't you use that little gizmo there to call for help?" Pen's voice shattered my little reverie. Derek looked up from the glowing screen to face her.

"No phone service in the school, at least none that my cell's receiving. They try to cut down on texting in class, but where's the service when we really need it? Stupid rules." he groaned. "I've got music on here, you wanna listen?" Derek offered Pen one of his earbuds, which she accepted with a dramatic flourish and a saucy smile.

"I doubt the principal planned on one of us going section eight and shooting up the school." Rossi dryly commented, fiddling with the watch on his wrist.

"Did you know that the first recorded school shooting in the United States was in 1996, and since then we've had ninety shootings resulting in 231 deaths?" Spencer piped up from his corner.

"Thanks Kid." Derek replied sarcastically, which Spencer didn't seem to pick up on, actually giving him a genuine smile in return.

"You're welcome." he replied politely, and I was surprised when Derek smiled back. Hotch was suddenly nervous, fumbling with the buttons on his own phone.

"You okay Aaron?" I asked, watching him type furiously upon the little keyboard.

"I was hoping I'd get service. My girlfriend, Haley, is at her home sick today. I remember telling her how much I wished she could come today, how much I'd miss her. I keep worrying about her overhearing something about this, I wouldn't want her to worry." he admitted, only seeming a little shy about showing his vulnerability.

"What about our parents? Do you think they know?" Spencer asked innocently, worry shining in his wide eyes. I was about to reply, when we all heard the chorus of gunshots crackling from nearby. It seemed inappropriate to talk while someone was losing their life. The silence in the room grew heavier and heavier, so by the time we heard footsteps echoing closer, we were all suffocating in the quiet. No one moved, no one made a sound, until we heard the bone-chilling sound of bullets tearing into the metal lock of the door. The doorknob mechanism scraped against metal like fingernails on a chalkboard, a shrill sound sending shivers down our spine. I grabbed JJ's hand and prepared to step in front of her to protect her from the shooter. She was here.

**A/N I am in no way anti-Elle, trust me, I've slowly taken a liking to her character! Read and review, please tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N sorry to leave the cliffhanger there for a bit, but here's the next chap, I hope you enjoy it! Once you've finished reading, by all means, feel free to leave a review!**

Scars And Souvenirs

Chapter Three

Elle Greenaway stormed into the room, a pistol clamped in between her shaking hands, her brown eyes like river rocks, glossy, cold, and lifeless, submerged beneath the turbid current of thoughts that nearly blotted out the color. Everyone in the room was frozen, almost as if all were captivated by her presence and not scared to death. The room maintained an air of deadly silence for a few seconds, as she gasped for breath, her panicked shaking causing her lithe form to shudder. She looked like she had been running for her life, when in reality, she was the one with all the power here.

"Elle." her name slipped from my lips like the sand in an hourglass, unstoppable. The tiny noise caused her to wheel around and face me, waving the gun in my face.

"What did you fucking say?" she spat out, the words poison in her mouth. She had faded black streaks down her cheeks, painted by her tears with her eye makeup. Her knees were trembling like leaves in a windstorm, like they were unable to hold up to the gravity of her actions. Her eyes were watery with fear and hurt. Everything about her made the gun seem more out of place in her hands. She wasn't an aggressor, she was the victim.

"I'm sorry." I murmured, falling silent once more as she paced. She looked over her shoulder as she walked the small space in the washroom, like she was being followed.

"I'm sorry" she mimicked "You're sorry, everyone's sorry, but no one really cares. If you were truly sorry you would tear yourself away from your stupid gossip and rumors and stop hurting people."

"I've never hurt anyone intentionally, I'm a victim, just like you." I shuffled in front of JJ, becoming a human shield as I talked. Then, subtly enough to make it look accidental, I allowed the sleeve of my shirt to ride up, showcasing the angry pink scars that marred the limb. I wanted to make her feel understood, what better way than to show she's not alone?

"Then what the hell's his excuse? Or his? Or hers?" I felt my stomach flip-flop as she pointed the weapon at Aaron, Derek, and finally JJ. With the girl I love in danger, I scrambled to come up with something to say.

"I can't speak for the others, but JJ's not that kind of person." I heard her whimper from behind me as I moved, covering her body with mine. JJ tried to shove me away, and I couldn't tell her motives for doing so. She was either trying to stop me from getting hurt, or she knew Elle's words were true, and it was an admission of guilt. Either way, I refused to budge.

"You're blind! You're blind to who she really is!" Elle accused, gesturing wildly. She was panting heavily now, the raucous sound of her breathing becoming the dominant noise, nearly blotting out Spencer's occasional frightened squeal, or the low, soothing sound of Derek trying to calm Penelope, who was sobbing silently with fear.

"Elle?" JJ began, before suddenly I was shoved out of the way and a pistol was pressed to her skull. The hard lines of the black weapon stood out against the silky crown of JJ's hair, her lips and eyes were pursed in fear, and I never loosened my grip on her hands. I needed to do something quickly, before this situation got any worse.

"Don't you fucking call me that, you don't get to say my name!"

"You want answers, right? She wants to talk to you but she can't do that with a gun to her head please, please put it down." I begged, watching the muzzle of the weapon tremble violently. It bobbed like some macabre bobble-head, never straying far away enough from JJ's temple for me to let out the tense breath stalled in my lungs.

"I know what it's like! Ever since I've dated Emily I've been taunted and teased! I no longer go on the Internet because I got tired of reading the things people posted there! And I don't know why kids do what they do, but I do know how much it hurts!" JJ begged, her voice cracking and hiccuping as she pleaded through her tears. I watched the gun grow deadly still, before it whipped away from JJ's head, smacking her across the cheek but leaving her relatively unscathed. None of us dared to move despite the fact that all I wanted to do was take the blonde into my arms and hide her away from it all.

"What about you? You stupid popular kids, you make it to the top of the food chain by stepping on the backs of others! You have your hordes of followers, but you've no real value for others!" she accused, swinging the weapon to face Derek.

"I know but-" he started, before being violently cut off.

"No, you don't know shit!"

"Yes I do."

"No, you don't know! You don't know what it's like to be tricked by someone you thought liked you! You don't know how humiliating it is to have someone with complete control over you! To realize that they have you trapped! To feel them all over you, inside of you, tearing you apart while you beg for mercy! You don't know what it feels like to have the worst moments of your life flown like a flag for all to see! You don't understand, no one does!" Elle ranted furiously, tears streaming down her face as she recounted one of many horrible things that happened to her. My heart clenched with this realization of how much this poor girl had to endure on top of the bullying.

"Yes. I do." Derek ground out, squeezing his eyes shut in some attempt to stop the tears from escaping. Elle, like the rest of us, froze as she realized what he just admitted.

"No! No! No, no, nonono..." she gritted out, the pistol clamped in her hand desperately as she paced. Both her hands were covering her ears, blocking out any more input from us.

"Elle please, just-" JJ's words were cut off as the roar of a bullet firing ripped through the room. Her body shook violently as the shot impacted, tossing her like a rag doll. A second shot rang out, making Aaron cry in pain, and then faster than she was here, she was gone, running out in a panic. We all sat there, unmoving, chests heaving for breath, glad to be alive. I was so relieved that it took a few seconds until I noticed the crimson flower blossom against the light blue of JJ's top. I was fixated by the sight for a millisecond, unable to move from the choking grasp of panic, as I futilely hoped that the metallic tang of blood permeating the dry air wasn't coming from my beloved blonde.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N here's another chap, I hope you like it! Read and review pretty please!**

**-Nightshade**

**I don't own Criminal Minds!**

Scars And Souvenirs

Chapter Four

A feeble cough shattered my state of shock, violently pulling me back into reality. My hands immediately went to cover the spreading red stain, becoming slippery with blood in an instant.

"Jennifer! Jennifer baby stay with me!" I begged, checking her over. There seemed to be blood everywhere, I couldn't tell where she was hurt. The wounded blonde's eyes darted about nervously, he whites of her eyes flashing in my periphery like a warning beacon as I stared at all the blood.

"Left upper arm." she coughed out, the exertion of speaking turning her face white as a sheet. I found myself transfixed by it, her weak state sucking all the energy from my body, as I regressed within my mind. Behind the safety of glassy eyes and brick walls, I was freaking out, my mind running a thousand miles a second and my body just too overwhelmed to bother keeping up.

"Emmily..." JJ called again, the words getting lost within the havoc in my head. I noticed how the exertion caused blood to gush like a river from the wound on her bicep, flooding the stagnant air around us with a new rush of that sickening bloody scent. It hung heavily around me, pooling in my limbs and heart and stomach until I felt immobile, hopeless, and wracked with nausea. The tremors of nervousness that shook my motionless body seized my stomach in an iron grip, and I felt the blood drain from my face as it lurched sickeningly. She can't die, she can't be hurt, I can't lose the love of my life in a shooting, I can't watch her die in front of my eyes!

"Em!" Jennifer yelled, snatching me out of my reverie. Push it away, you do this all the time, push away the feelings and the weakness. JJ needs you now, for once she needs calm, collected, guarded me. I ran my fingers up the limb in question, until I felt my fingertips skim the edges of a hole. An agonized scream pierced the air, and I stopped my hands cold when I heard the sound. Her blood was all over my hands, sticky and hot, filling the room with its metallic scent. Spencer, the little kid, was at my side immediately, his sleeves rolled up. He had an experienced calm about him all of a sudden, the kind that only comes from knowledge.

"Aaron's taken a shot to his leg, it's broken his tibia or fibula, we're not sure if the bullet's still in him though." he informed, as he scanned JJ's prone form. I bit back a sarcastic retort, I didn't need to know how Aaron was doing, I needed to know what to do with JJ! I took a first-aid course in elementary school, but they never taught us how to deal with gunshots! An odd sense of inadequacy flooded my kind at the thought that a twelve-year old genius knew how to help JJ better than I.

"Lift her arm up, check if the limb is broken and see if the bullet went all the way through." he commanded, seeming much wiser than he looked. I slowly lifted up her arm, trying not to cry out as JJ screamed in pain, biting her lip so hard it bled. Every single yelp or whimper sent the same amount of pain straight to my chest, like a punch, so JJ in agony left me reeling and gasping for breath. It was as if I had been injured too. There was a matching wound on the back of her arm where the bullet exited, and the arm didn't feel broken. Come on Emily, think, what do I need next! Stop the bleeding, that became my new priority.

"I need something to use as a bandage!" I barked, watching Penelope shed two of her colorful scarves and toss them my way. One of them I balled up, tucking it loosely into her mouth. I hated the confused and hurt look on the Jennifer's face, but I wouldn't be able to be strong and capable if all I could hear, reigning above my thoughts, was her pained screams, and even worse, the begging. I couldn't stand by and not lose it while she begs for mercy from a God who I didn't even think could hear us in here.

"Bite down on this if you're in pain, I'm so sorry Jayje." she fixed me with an agonized look, her baby blue eyes hardened and watery with pain. Even just nodding her head seemed to hurt, and fresh tears rolled down her blood-splattered cheeks.

"S'ok" she mumbled. Derek passed me a roll of compression bandages he must have had in his backpack for whatever sports injury he may suffer. I soaked the leftover scarf under the bathroom faucet, before pressing the damp cloth around the wound. I struggled not to be sick as I heard JJ's muffled cries, her blue eyes going as wide as possible, the whites flashing in terror before screwing themselves shut, wrinkled and trying to block out the pain. Penelope sounded like she was getting sick in one of the toilet stalls, with Derek there alongside her murmuring soothingly. With the compression bandage wrapped around her arm, I figured that all I could do now, was wait. I pulled the cloth out of Jen's mouth, before gathering her cold form into my lap, rocking her like a baby. Her exhausted eyes lolled upwards to meet mine, and her pale lips twisted to form a word.

"Hurts like a bitch." she croaked, a grimace which was supposed to look happy spreading across her pale lips, bringing a smile to my face. She was trying to be strong, she was my strong girl.

"How's Aaron?" she asked, craning her neck to see. I looked at Dave and Spencer for the answer, who both nodded encouragingly.

"He passed out, but considering how much pain he was in it was probably a good thing. His leg's broken, but I think we've stopped the bleeding for now." Dave reassured, subtly holding the younger man's limp hand, making sure he knew he wasn't alone.

"How do you stay so calm?" I asked him, bewildered. All he feelings I had been holding at bay were currently bearing down upon me with all their repressed fury, causing my head to spin uncomfortably while delirious tears occluded my vision.

"I'm in the co-op program, studying to become a cop. Some of the things I've seen, some of the stories I've heard, they're way worse than this." I noticed him grasp a small gold cross that hung around his neck, before looking up at the heavens. I sighed, relaxing where I sat while looking upwards as well, hoping to find the same peace, or some answers. We were all okay, it was a small blessing, but it was hope. Maybe He could hear us down here after all. I sent a silent prayer, for Aaron and Dave and Penelope and Spencer and Derek and all the kids who had been shot or wounded. I prayed for JJ, thankful she was still alive, and I prayed for Elle, praying that whatever wound she was suffering from, whatever crippling blow she felt the need to defend herself from, was able to heal.

I couldnt ignore the nagging worry for Elle, the brunette who'd done all this. Where was she now? Was she okay? My story would have been the same as hers without JJ, and something about that made me feel like I had to do something. I had someone, and I'm slowly healing because of it. She has no one, and all she needs is someone to tell her they care, couldn't I give her that much? As if he could read my mind, Dave interjected.

"The good thing is that every time I come home from there, I know I did something. Feeling useless is the worst feeling in the world. If you have a chance to change someone's story, take it." he spoke softly, dark eyes taking on a wise aura.

"How long have we been in here for anyway?" Derek asked, oblivious to our conversation. He was sitting against the closed door of a stall, with Penelope nodded off against his shoulder.

"Nine hours, forty-seven minutes, And twelve seconds." Spencer piped up, his unbelievable accuracy something we'd all come to expect over the last few hours.

"Thanks Pretty Boy." Derek smiled warmly at the boy, his opinion of him softening like everyone else's, before fixing Dave with his gaze.

"How's Aaron?" he asked, slight concern tainting his eyes. No one noticed the faint groan from the prone form on the floor, so we were all pleasantly surprised when the next voice spoke up.

"I'm fine, feeling a little faint though. Not to mention the fact that my leg's on fire." he croaked unexpectedly, slowly coming to.

"Speak of the devil! Welcome back Aaron, you had us worried for a little there." I chimed in, watching the young man struggle to get up. The cheer didn't feel so fake anymore, like we were putting on a facade. In this moment, we had the faintest embers of hope, glowing dimly despite the onslaught of melancholy that had nearly extinguished it all.

"Is JJ alright?" he asked, suddenly worried.

"I'm fine, you're just a little wimpier when it comes to pain." JJ joked, coaxing a laugh out of the entire room. I snuggled the blonde closer into my form, reveling in the comforting warmth while tossing an endearing grin to the others. In nine hours, forty-seven minutes, and twelve seconds, we changed from a motley group of kids, to an unbreakable circle of friends. The air of cameraderie and hope in this desolate bathroom was a welcome change. Sudden footsteps caused us all to freeze up until we realized we were staring into the eyes of a police officer, here to save us. All seven of us left the room as one, walking and limping out of the gaping school doors like victors, we survived. JJ was soon settled into a parked ambulance where the EMT bandaged her wound up properly. I couldn't help but throw a glance back into the school building, wondering if Elle was still within. JJ read my mind again, casting me a heavy gaze before speaking.

"Go, I'll be waiting when you come back to me. Just come back safe to me, okay? I didn't endure getting shot for you to get yourself killed." She whispered, placing a quick kiss on my cheek before pushing my arm ever so slightly. The nearby police officers gave me a weird look as I stared longingly at the building, letting my love's permission sink in. Slowly, as if I was compelled by an outside force, I began to place one foot in front of the other. Waiting officers stepped forward, warnings hanging from their thin-set lips, until I saw my friends. Derek stepped in front of the nearest officer, physically blocking his path and urging me on. Like it was the simplest thing in the world, I followed that high, keening note of sympathy and worry playing through my heart, and followed it right through the gates of our nightmare. Yet as I walked through the looming halls, saw the blood and the bad memories hiding in the shadows, I was not afraid. I had hope, friends, love, and a mission.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N sorry for the wait, I've had this chapter finished for a while now, I just haven't had the time to upload it! Here it is!**

Scars And Souvenirs

Chapter Five

At first, when I ran, it felt like everyone else was moving in slow motion. I hardly heard the angry yells of a police officer coming from behind me over the thundering beat of my heart. A firm hand grasped my arm, trying to hold me back and I just shook it off. Nothing could deter me now.

"Miss, you're not allowed back in there, it isn't secure!" he yelled as I ran, blatantly disregarding him as I streaked into the empty school halls, running past the bodies of others, my ebony hair streaming out from behind me like a war banner.

"Elle?" I called, the only reply being the echoes thrown back by the silent building, mockingly. The hallway seemed to loom ahead of me, unseen faces smirked at me from the shadows, daring me to keep moving. All my earlier bravado had vanished into a mist and slipped through my fingers, leaving only an empty pit of panic. It was eerily silent, the only audible sound was the harsh grating breaths that ripped from my lungs prematurely, it was as if the school building itself was mourning the deaths. I ran in haphazard trails, down random hallways, until I finally heard a sign of life.

A subtle squeak of a shoe against the floor came from behind a locker. Soft sobbing echoed through the cavernous hallways, bouncing off lockers and ceilings and doors and walls as everything in earshot cried in horror. At first she was just a blur, a little ball tucked in a hallway corner, but then those fearful brown eyes met mine and froze me into place.

"What the hell are you doing here?" her words came off slurred and sad, as if she was hung over, lacking any fire or anger.

"I came to find you, I wanted to see if you were okay." I explained, feeling my heart break for this girl. She was crying heavily, quickly devolving. Elle, minus her weapon, suddenly looked so small and innocent, like a heartbroken child. Which is when I realized, that's what she was.

"Okay? Me okay? You're a couple years too late." she laughed bitterly. It was then that I noticed the awkward angle of her elbow, the white bone of her knuckles straining against her tanned skin as she clenched her hand, and the gun leveled to her temple, its muzzle nestled among her black-brown locks, this was the end right here.

"It's never too late Elle, you can always heal. Please, put the gun down before you do something you'll regret." I pleaded, watching the finger perched on the trigger strain to pull, yet nothing happened. She was hopeless, and I had to give her some hope. The odds were stacked against me though. She was now aware of what she'd done today, and feeling the guilt of it for sure, she knew that she wasn't going to walk free, that she'd be arrested on multiple murder counts. But I couldn't let her die.

"It's too late, you don't get it. Everyone had the choice to stop, they had the choice to stop teasing me, to stop making up rumors, to stop beating me up when no one else was watching. It's too late, they all made the decision for me." she gestured at the dead halls, as if she expected the bullies to materialize there, to rise from the dead. Her eyes were vacant and haunted and if you looked closely enough, you could almost see the faces of her tormentors flashing through like a ghost, shifting shapes as the faceless enemy took on the visage of everyone she'd ever known.

"I do get it Elle because I went through it just like you! People treat me like a pariah because of who I am, what I wear, who I love. Hell, I wouldn't have even been in that bathroom this morning if it wasn't for some meatheaded kid throwing his lunch at me! It's not fair, but it doesn't have to end like this." I exclaimed. She seemed to slowly process this, but I could tell it wasn't reaching her yet.

"This is all the control I have left. This was the only way to stop it all..." Her eyes glazed over, became more robotic, she was preparing.

"No! no Elle this isn't control! If you kill yourself you let every one of them win! They end up being successful because they managed to make you feel so low that death became the only escape. But there's another escape route, and it's just outside that door. Please drop the gun." I pleaded, holding my hand out while motioning down the hallway to the main door. My proffered hand seemed to connect to her better than any of my words, like offering the touch to a leper, an untouchable, reassuring them that they weren't below care. The weapon in her hand shook tentatively, dropping from her head to her shoulder and hanging from her hand at a weird angle, like a broken limb.

"They told everyone I-I was a whore, a slut. When really I was, I was raped." she admitted in a soft, defeated voice. Her arm jerkily offered me the gun, which I tossed down the hall as soon as it touched my fingertips. The pistol discharged upon hitting the floor, before skittering against the tiles harmlessly. I took Elle's limp, frozen hand and seized it, pulling her to her feet and into my arms. She was just like the gun now, her last shot of effort gone, harmless, a child so tortured she found no other solution than revenge. I felt her small hands knot themselves in my hair and shirt, her head tucked against my shoulder, crying so loudly it could probably overpower the sound of gunfire. Her anguish overpowered the violence, until I felt that I wasn't hugging a murderer, but a fellow victim.

"I've got to take you outside okay? The police are going to take you away, just don't fight them okay?" she nodded into my shoulder, sobs catching in her throat.

"Just a little bit longer?" she whimpered. She was clutching me so desperately, because after years of being tormented and ostracized, she was finally making a connection. I stayed just as she asked, stroking her hair, letting her know she wasn't alone. When her crying subsided a bit, I kept one arm tucked around her shuddering shoulders, letting her shield her face in my hair, as we both walked out of this nightmare. The bright lights of the outdoors hit us violently, stunning us just as the police who jumped into action stunned us. They were immediately on Elle, yanking and shoving her into handcuffs.

"Be gentle with her!" I yelled, watching the officers give me a weird look, but comply. She began to struggle violently against the rough hands.

"Emily, don't let them take me!" she begged, being tugged from my side and to the waiting police car. The heartbroken look in her eyes nearly ripped my heart from my chest, and I followed her, enveloping her in another hug, this one slightly awkward due to the angle of her handcuffed arms.

"I'm sorry Elle, this is how it has to be." was all I could get out before she was gone. I stood there, reeling from all that went on, when I saw them. Standing at the base of the school's stone steps, were Dave, Derek, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron on crutches, and JJ, with her arm in a clean white bandage. They waited for me, they all waited.

"Emily!" they all called out, and I ran over to them, getting engulfed in the centre of a giant group hug. The triumphant faces of my newfound friends surrounded me as they congratulated me, apparently I was a hero. Arms grabbed me around the neck, and I was dragged into a desperate, hungry kiss from my blonde girl. Neither of us had even taken a breath, our lips fused together as if she was all I needed to stay alive. At the point when her tongue entered my mouth I heard a drawn-out wolf whistle come from Morgan, who was wearing a joking smile until Penelope smacked him upside the head, wearing a joking smile of her own.

"Sorry baby-girl" he chuckled, giving her an apologetic grin. I turned my attention back to the blonde in front of me, who just gazed at me with a breathless grin.

"You did it." she exclaimed, before sneaking in another brief, triumphant kiss.

"I did."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I am so terribly sorry to have let this go for so long! This fic was originally supposed to be something I sprinted through, just a quick cleanse of an idea I had sitting around collecting cobwebs in my head, and it ended up dragging for months! Well, anyway, here's the final installment! Thank you to all who read and reviewed, and a special thanks to all those who have stuck with this story for this long!**

Scars And Souvenirs

Chapter Six

"We may have parted ways that day, but we were always connected. For once I had a group of friends to depend on, ones who accepted me. And from that day on we also had direction, we knew exactly what we were to become together. We wanted to save lives, not only those of the victims, but the wayward souls who perpetrated the crimes as well. Our lives were never the same from that day, and, though I can't speak for all of us, but I feel I've gained more than I lost. I gained five friends, a deeper appreciation for human life and for the feelings of others, I gained perspective on my own problems, and I gained humility and mercy. That day left us all changed, but I dare say that without that day, none of us would be standing here. Twenty-five years ago there was a shooting at Powell Secondary School. The people I met and experiences I encountered changed who I was. That is why I joined the FBI." I finished, listening to the darkened lecture hall around us explode into applause. Looking to my sides, I saw the faces of my friends, SSA David Rossi, SSA Aaron Hotchner, SSA Derek Morgan, Dr. Spencer Reid, Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia, and our Communications Liaison Jennifer Jareau, all shining with pride and nostalgia.

Usually we hate having to do these lecture circuits, the cases piled on JJ's desk always seemed more pressing than public speaking. But this talk, one about why we joined the FBI hit us harder than most, causing us to look back to the first day we met. That shooting ended lives, and it changed lives. Being among the survivors, we almost felt a duty to change for the better. It was that duty and those nine hours, forty-seven minutes, and twelve seconds shared in a dingy girls washroom, that brought us here today. The applause died down, and we headed off the stage, congratulating each other on the excellent talk. But I still had a nagging feeling, an obligation of something I must do.

"Hey guys, I've got to go do something, I'll see you back in the bullpen, 'Kay?" I headed down to my car, sitting silently in the driver's seat until the opening of a door broke my thoughts.

"Hey." it was the face of my wife, JJ, peering into the car. One hand of hers was gripping the car door tensely, the other one rubbing small, soothing circles upon her blossoming, pregnant belly.

"Hey." I replied, patting the passenger's seat as an invitation for her to sit. She entered silently, taking my hand in hers as she sat down. No questions were asked, no words exchanged, we didn't need any of that to know what the other was thinking. I put the car into drive, crawling down familiar streets until we reached Powell High.

I got out, taking her hand again, and walked towards the only new aspect of the building. A square marble obelisk reached for the sun, with flowers and candles laying at its base and the names of victims in the middle. I knelt at the base, not caring how the rough sidewalks bit at my knees, and ran my fingers over the names. They were engraved in the stone in the flat print of a tombstone, and it was as if feeling the letters ripple beneath my fingers would help me better recollect who they were. A cheerleader, a football player, an art student, a computer geek, a loner. All strata of high school life, united in death. It seemed bitterly ironic.

But it was the last name my fingers touched that brought the tears and sorrow bubbling up. I didn't even have to open my eyes to know who's name it is, the lines were sharp and new, untouched as of yet by erosion and wear. Elle Greenaway.

"It could have been me. Without you, I could have ended up just like her." I sighed, needing to talk, and JJ gladly listened.

"But you aren't her. And she had someone in the end, she had you." she rubbed my shoulder with her hand. JJ knew how hard I took Elle's prison sentence. I had followed the news updates on it every night, tracked the progression of the case, stood outside the courtroom as she was perp-walked upon her gangly, young legs down the pristine white steps, the guilt of nineteen murders and another ten attempts weighing upon her shoulders. Out of some deeper obligation, I wrote to her every month, told her about my life now, snuck in the occasional update on JJ, the wedding, the IVF treatments, the baby. Somehow, I wanted to show her a little bit of happiness, knowing she'd need it where she was now. Women's Federal Penitentiary wasn't the most cheery of places, but now, her name brought even drearier memories to mind. The day I received the letter, I knew something was up. In the twenty years I wrote Elle, I never once received a reply letter. It came with no flourish or importance, jumbled along with the bills and the junk mail. But as soon as I had opened the pristine white envelope and unfolded the sheet inside, I knew it was bad news. The font was a funerary black, typed on the computer by the somber yet uncaring fingers of a faceless officer. It declared, in so few words, that my final letter could not be delivered because the inmate committed suicide. They didn't even use her name, she was just another inmate, another frail woman with a baggy orange jumpsuit, another tortured soul with black eyes deadened by exposure, another number in the prison logs.

"She shouldn't have died." JJ whispered, voicing my thoughts. Ever since that day, I knew she couldn't fully understand my devotion to Elle, but to her credit, she tried her hardest.

"No, none of them should have. At the time it was all so messy, we all had each others' blood on our hands. But now, with the years passed by, all the bad seemed to boil away, leaving the dead with a white, innocent, blank slate much akin to sun-and-wind-bleached bones." I mused. My words seemed oddly poetic, but at the least, Elle deserved that, someone's thoughts.

"I-I can't help looking at her name engraved here, and think that they may as well have put my name there instead. A part of me died when I got that letter, when I learned of her death. I can't help looking at it as my failure, my failure to save her life, and my failure to even stick up for her in the first place." I fell silent, and I could feel JJ preparing her little rant about my innocence.

"It's just like you said before, life is messy, and we're bound to make mistakes. But you had no idea that it would turn out this way, and that's not called failure, that's called being human, that's called life. You, in no way, shape, or form, failed that girl. You saved her life. You ventured straight into her nightmare, and you talked her down. You prevented her from a slow, painful, fear-stained death in a dark corner, surrounded by the bodies of her tormentors. Most of all, you reminded her that she was a human being. We all saw it, that unabashed relief on her face as you two walked out together, because you touched her. After years of being an outcast, an untouchable, below all sort of respect, you touched her and reminded her she wasn't some diseased, leprous cripple. You touched her, and saved her life. How she treated that life after the fact, it was out of her hands. But I have to believe that she's happier now." I was on my knees crying now, beyond caring about my appearance. The shrill, metallic shriek of the school bell split the air, and instantaneously we were surrounded by a raging torrent of teenagers, rushing from the school doors as if in exodus, running from nothing more than homework and teachers. I knew we earned a few stares from passers-by, kids stopping to whisper about the weeping woman at the foot of their school. A sharp, skinny shoulder jabbed me in the side, belonging to a made-upped, perfectly pressed, preppy girl with her own entourage of clones.

"Sorry." she drawled uncaringly, shooting me a sarcastic smile. They walked away giggling, tossing about hurtful words that struck fresh in my memory. While I watched them disappear, I saw them obviously whispering and pointing at a haggard, bony girl with heavy makeup and black clothing. Somewhere off to the side, two taller boys with fancy hats and perfect hair were yelling at a shorter boy, chuckling as he ran away in fear.

"Nothing has changed, hasn't it? All those children died, all those lives ruined, and still things stay the same." I felt a sudden sense of defeat overtake me.

"You're only human Em, and that one event, though etched in our memory, is simply a story to them. They have to learn their own lessons, I only hope that they learn theirs easier than we learned ours." her words seemed to echo within the hollowness in my chest, filling it only with the mocking repetition of the phrase. We didn't learn a lesson, we were all branded like cattle, forced beneath the scalding iron as it seared painful memories into our souls. Painful memories that still evoked chills and panicked breathing to this day. JJ simply stood behind me, rubbing my shoulders in a constant reminder that she was still there. That we were safe and happy and no longer in peril.

"Excuse me Miss, are you alright?" a quiet voice asked. It belonged to an average-looking girl, with honey-brown hair and turquoise-framed glasses. She looked half-scared to death, still young and innocent enough to retain a little fear of talking to strangers. You lose that fear pretty quickly when strangers take the form of the officers that saved you and the doctors that helped you.

"Uhm-yeah, I am." I covered, masking my sobs with a lifeless chuckle that sounded like it was drowning beneath my tears.

"Were you there?" she asked, wide-eyed from behind the glasses as she gestured to the memorial. Despite the privacy of the question, I didn't feel overly guarded to her. I took no offense to this girl's curiosity.

"Uhm-y-yea-" I spluttered, tears returning once again as I was thrust back into a flashback. They'd become diluted and muddled over the years, and the only thing not worn dull by time's march, was the icy blade of fear that twisted in my gut as I remembered snippets. The click of lone shoes down a vacant school hall, the little dazed cough someone gives in the second before they realize they're hurt, the cries of a murderer, already entrapped in the amber of her own hell.

"Yes. Both of us were." JJ curtly replied, not wanting to be rude, but letting her protective nature overtake her. She rested her hands on my shoulders, as of she thought I'd run off or disappear.

"Oh. I'm sorry. There have been so many people visiting here the past few days that we've almost stopped noticing. We had an assembly recently about it. It's horrible what you had to go through." she admitted. I shook my head in a daze, not even aware I was making the motion. I only realized it when I saw that the earth shaking around me, and figured that it couldn't literally shatter like I was starting to. Perhaps I wasn't ready to go back. Perhaps twenty-five years still wasn't long enough for these scars to heal. The unfamiliar girl seemed to recognize it, and with the same wide-eyed innocence that I had once faced the world with, she backed away, not before laying a small wildflower at the base of the memorial. The simple action provoked even more tears, while JJ kept rubbing my back.

"She'll have to grow up too. Like us. You can't remain innocent forever. We're stronger because of that day." she murmured, reading my mind. When had she gotten able to do that? I could swear that it had been ever since that day. That day. I couldn't even make myself say the word. Shooting. It was ugly and too big for my throat, like the eight letters grew a life of their own and resisted my saying them by digging their little claws into my lungs and heart.

"C'mon." JJ encouraged, pulling me to my feet and into a soft kiss.

"We survived." she stated in awe, trying to force the victory down my throat to quell the choking there. "We survived, we survived, we survived, we survived, we survived. We. Survived. We survived Em, and I'll remind you that as many times as you need me to. Because I'm no longer the blonde, alpha-female and you're no longer the moody geek. We survived all that and now we can move on. We have a future full of light and happiness and this new baby girl or boy of ours to move forward to. I know this isn't something one surmounts immediately, but we've been making progress all these years. I'll stand by you as long as it takes, but with each baby step we take we need to remember that we survived. We were allowed to keep this amazing gift of life and we would be spitting on the memories of all these people," she ran her hand wistfully over the stone memorial "who didn't get that chance." she finished, wiping tears of her own face. I leaned in and kissed at one of the renegade ones, blotting it from her honey cheek while her eyes fluttered shut at the contact.

"Okay." I murmured, nuzzling her face softly, trying to lose myself in my future and forget the past. My future was full of Jennifer, soft and patient and endlessly kind. She's right, we survived. I could feel her cheek flush with warmth to reassure myself of the thought. So I wreathed my hands in hers, resting them upon her belly for a second, before bringing them down to hip level. With one final look back at the square marble obelisk glowing dimly in the setting sun, I fixed my sights ahead, where the entire curve of the earth was lit up in the day's swan song. Miraculously, despite the years of tears and scar tissue and clinging memories, I took a step forward, in time with Jen at my side, and suddenly, I was a little bit freer than I had been before.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

-Khalil Gibran


End file.
